Metamorphisis

How has 24 been for you guys? 2024 has been the weirdest year for me. I literally am leaving feeling like an entirely different person – not just to who I entered the year as, but the person I have been my entire life. The entire year has been a complete juxtaposition – 2024 for me will always be known as the Bi-Polar year! The ups and downs have been plentiful and I have felt as Lucky  as I have felt Cursed!

I have admitted defeat in so many ways, and also pushed through barriers I thought were immoveable boundaries. I have felt exhilaration and pleasure that I have never imagined possible and heartbreak that has sent me ‘Bathroom Floor’ for days. I have achieved things I didn’t know I was capable of, whilst being unable to reach things entirely in my reach. 

I have learnt things about myself that I never knew – both good and bad. And I have welcomed people who are now ridiculously important to my realm and said goodbye to people I thought would be walking alongside me for the rest of our lives. 

What am I taking from it all – well that you can’t have the good without the bad, that the rollercoaster of life would be boring without the supernova of a plethora of emotions continuously spinning us around – and of course – some people are just C@~ts – including me sometimes!

I know what I want for the future though – which is weird as I still didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up at the beginning of this year. But the penny has dropped. You can’t choose who you are. You see, you are something different to everybody who you encounter  – sometimes you are the hero, sometimes the villain and sometimes you are nothing! And just to further add a peppering of complexity – sometimes that is your own doing and sometimes it is not! There is no black and white – there is no one side – there is often not even a wrong or a right – situations/relationships/people/life is far too complicated to reduce it to such simplicity I guess. 

And that is what I want for the future – Simplicity – in all its purity! And you can’t achieve that in one aspect of your life e.g your job, home, relationships etc – it has to be a state of existence in itself. It has to be you! You have to embody it – and that is what/who I want to be. A soul satisfied with mere existence, someone who can live in the minute, take everything at base value, stay regulated and most, most importantly, stay happy regardless of any and all situations.  I want to step off the treadmill, the roller coaster and just breathe it all in. I want to just exist without the complexities of attempting to carve out what I was led to believe is what life should be, how it should look, how it should feel … and most importantly who I feel I should be! 

So 2025 I am going to stop, breathe in the view, spend time how I would like to spend it and to shrug off the expectations that others have of me – because this year is going to be a selfish year. I am going to indulge myself in a way that I have never dared and I am going to find out 44 year old me is! So get ready, you might not like my socials going forward, because I am going to choose me, over and over and over – because if I don’t choose me – who will! 

I hope that you guys all equally have a selfish year, put your own masks on first, choose the music you want to listen to, steal those minutes and hours for yourself, make the choices that you know are you right for you, even though you know it isnt right for others and know that when you do this, the people around you will be enriched too, because you can only give your all to others when you have something in your cup to give. There will always be those that claim that you are already choosing you – but be assured that is because they have no idea what you would have chosen given free choice – and probably neither do you!

Being selfish isn’t about being unkind, the word has been negated un-necessarily. Being selfish is simply about choosing you – and surely there can’t be anything negative about that. Especially when you might be the only person in your life deciding to choose you! So you owe it to yourself – choose you!

Thank you 2024, for me you were a year of learning, growing and I think the metamorphosis is finally complete. I can’t wait to see who I am and what life is like in 2025! Let’s do this!